She was merely a PetSmart rattie, trying to sleep in a tube with two black hooded bubs under an igloo… but she stole my heart when she crawled up onto my shoulder and just sat there trying to burrow into my hair. And with that she was the one i knew i would take home with me. A little over 80 dollars later I was setting up her cage and taking excited pictures and video of the little thing.
She didnt have a name for a week or two before i finally settled on Janelle, but in those weeks she warmed up to me and was already bouncing to the cage to be let out and held.. if only for a moment before she was bounding away on the floor and/or my bed to explore. She always had this funny habit of going out only a certian distance from me and sticking her nose out as FAAR as she could go, with her little back legs streched out and when she had hiffed her fill she would turn tail and come bounding back to the safety of mommy’s knee.
When she developed her first growth i was devistated.. i thought that it was a tumor and that she would have to be put down. but then i found the Rat List and found other resources and knew that she would be okay.
She was touch and go on the second surgery, because of the location and her stubornness to get the silly e-collar off her head. But i think i talked her at least out of trying to stand up and strech, because she didnt for a while untill it healed.
Then I came home on Friday from work and went up tosee her and noticed what i posted about in the health thread. In a panic i tried to call the VCA where Nessa works, but just my luck they had closed not even a half hour before i called. So with that i called my normal vet and scheduled an emergency appointment for her.
Part of me knew that she was close to time, and I told her multiple times through choked tears that she could go, that it was alright, that I understood. Even though it hurt i understood. I stayed up with her until nearly one am, holding her and talking to her, keeping Daiz and a few of my friends updated on her status.
By the time i went to bed i was covered in her porph, drying babyfood and her piddle. But this time i didnt care about the piddle, all i cared about was loving on her for as long as i could. After a quick change of pajamas and setting the alarm on my phone, i went to bed hoping and praying that she would at least try to make it through the night.
I took her to Dr. Engle on saterday at 1 pm, and she checked out her ears and saw that there was nothing there. My heart broke as I knew there was nothing more that i could do for my little old lady. So with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes i handed Janelle to my mom (who had driven me since i was a total wreck) so that I could sign all of the proper paperwork.
I think somehow she knew that it was time, because dispite seeming a tiny bit better this morning, she looked dreadful when we were finally ready to go. Dr. Engle gave me time to say goodbye, to hold her and love on her. I called her my little angel, and told her that we loved her very much, but that mommy didnt want to see her suffer anymore.
When the vet came back she wraped janelle up in a towel and i gave her a final and long kiss goodbye, knowing that i would never see my little love again. I chose to have her cremated, but unfortunatly neither mysdelf or my mother had the money to have the ashes returned to us. But though the ashes are/will be there… her memory and her love and the happiness that she gave me for the past 2 and a half years is the greatest gift that she could have given me.
Rest In Peace My Little Rattie Angel, you deserve it.
Janelle
She came to me as if in a dream,
Her smile gentle yet sad
Her warm aura flowing about her.
“It’s time,” She told me
She held out Her hands,
“She will wait for you.”
My body trembles and my eyes water,
“Please, not now,” I whisper.
“I still need her here.”
She smiles and touches my shoulder.
“She will never leave you,”
We look down at the sweet face.
My little heart rat,
my little love girl,
looks up with such trust.
I begin to cry,
holding her close,
not wanting to let her go.
Weakly she tries to lick
my tears away
but can barely lift her head.
I hold her close,
and whisper my love
into her sweet little ears.
I cover her in kisses,
scritching her nose and cheeks
Stalling as best I can.
She just waits patiently,
a tear rolling down
Her perfect face.
She knows how hard it is,
to take Her creatures
from those that love them most.
“Come my daughter,” She says to me
“She will wait for you at The Bridge.”
She lifts my chin and smiles softly.
With a shuddering sob i look down
for the last time at my perfect “daughter”
And hold her tight and gently.
I hold her up and whisper
“I love you little one”
And give one last long kiss goodbye.
With a shuddering sob i hold her out,
for the Lady to take my little love
into Her arms once more.
With a gentle croon She takes her
and holds her close, softly
singing a wordless melody
Softly a light surrounds her,
and she is restored once more.
Her eyes are bright, her weakness gone.
My little Janelle
is healthy and whole
once more.
I take a step,
reach out one hand
just to touch her one last time.
But She holds out Her hand
and shakes Her head.
No words need to be said.
I look at Janelle,
sitting on Her shoulder
and know that she is happy.
But somewhere in her body
i know that her heart is yearning
to be back with me.
“There is one last thing,”
She says to me
“One thing to ease the pain.”
As the light of Her brilliance surrounds her
a warm beam flows from Her shoulder
to reach deep into my heart and soul.
“Her memory and her spirit”
She said
“Will stay with you for all time.”
“This love you shared
you will never forget,
and will never be forgotten.”
“For when your time has come.
That love will guide you
to her and the Bridge.”
“And when you meet again
she will be waiting.
To Cross the Bridge with you.”
And with that She was gone,
my beautiful daughter with Her.
Though a warm spot still remained on my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mommy with miss you baby,
come back to me someday
And we will walk the Bridge together.
